I have this guy friend whose name is Xavier. I've known him for like ages since the days of secondaries. Although we were separated for a brief period of time due to some unforeseen circumstances, we finally got so-called reunited in the tertiary level. So as you can tell, being miles apart, we developed very different ways to live and to survive.
So, what he tried to do was to have exactly same classes as me especially during the trimesters two and three (ie. this trimester). It was something that troubled me on and off as I had my preferences before they even included me in the picture. Somehow I kinda knew that I was gonna write up this post someday.
Yeah, so, my opportunity cost as to go with his plans is that I lost a lot of my own social life. I was made to meet up his friends, made to like them and live with them. My own friends that I made a framework with were partially neglected if not fully. No one to blame but me right? I chose to follow Xavier and I should not have any regrets at all. Unfortunately, the logical facts (here) did not turn out as real-life history, as I lived pass them.
I thought that what Xavier wanted was to be together with me and so in my ignorance I even blurted out that we were 'brothers' in the cool sense of the word in a tutorial class! At that time, he slightly felt discomfort with my statement but I didn't suspect as much yet. Life went on with the stereotype of me and him, everywhere I existed; he and his group wherever he did. He told me things about the individuals in this group but now I doubt if he kept my things from them or at least to the closest one to him. I start to realize that what he was doing back then was actually an act of sympathy towards me. Not wanting me to be a 'Forever Alone', he tried to be my companion with a myriad reasons and excuses. On the other hand, not being able to keep his friends happy all at once, he wanted to amalgamate me into this group of friends he had, which when failed he eventually chose to side with the person closest to him.
"No matter how many years boys friendship may have been, a girl can always be stopper to keep the 'wine' from the 'mouth'"
-teetotaloid
Xavier now seems like just a shadow to me. When the light is there, he is 'tangible' but when the light is absent, I can't even understand what he is up to. Or maybe I can put it in a different way, the presence of another has very much overshadowed me in his world. Is this a normal phenomenon, where guys start getting girls and forgetting their 'homies'? We're at this age anyway. Am I to move on too? Or am I to hold on to Xavier as a rebound friend (no, I'm not gay)and keep getting neglected now and then? Am I holding him back?
I worry so much about these things when it doesn't even matter, when I don't even have time for these sh*t. I turned off the light and roll on the floor thinking what is a smart move for me while not putting my dear friend in a tight spot. Funny thing is, I'm probably the drifting shadow in his perspective.
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