Haha.. Been a long time since I posted anything. Guess I'm just too free nowadays exams being over and all alone in my habitation. Well, recently there was an overrated hype on the net saying that the world was supposed to end on 21st December 2012... which was actually 2 days ago.. some argued that there was time disparity due to different time zones but meh...
I knew for one that the world would not end especially when it was speculated like that. The time when the world is to end is when we least expect it to.. I kinda took my share of comfort from these people making those untimely speculations. But somehow, as time pass and it got nearer and nearer to 21st, it started to be annoying. And the aftermath is just as annoying.. People are saying "I didn't die" or "The world didn't end".. There are actually some who said it was a Mayan's troll or even more higher beings. It was actually their own ignorance. -.-
Well days passed and now I'm all alone (as I mentioned above) and I'm starting to feel that if the world were to end, I would be feeling really miserable right now. I don't have anyone. Loneliness is a beast! All these are my sufferings which I can attribute to two of the greatest curses in my life; my pectus excavatum, and my lying spirit. I just can't stop myself from the latter, it comes so naturally for self-protection. Defense mechanisms are very reactive especially when I want to hide my ugliness. I just can't face myself in the open.
People may say that everyone lies.. or there are white lies.. But I desire better things of myself. I wanted to tell the truth and only truth was to proceed out of my lips. I did try to will myself to this goal but to no avail. =(
I can explain my own undoing but I can't think of a way to actually solve my problems. The will of man is under bondage: what good a man want to do, that he cannot; but what evil deeds he tries to avert will eventually be done, against his will. This is a truth since our forefathers fell.
The creeping loneliness and ultikuma boredom just drove me to think of the latter of these 2 curses of my life.
