To start off, I'm gonna narrate to you the reasons I could be sulking and ranting on. Today is a Saturday. We planned to go watch Michael Bay's Transformers 4 which was at that time new. I had no money in my wallet and what money I have, doesn't belong to me. Next, there were some technical problems when picking up the attendees. After getting the tix, we went to lunch at Ori Spice. My food came last. We then went to withdraw money but apparently, my bank account was at a lost too. I withdrew minimum anyways to go through the day. We then head back to the cinema, grab some popcorn and head to the movie hall. Half way through the movie, I realized that my phone strap was broken. Sadly, the movie had its' high and lows and many of us confess we took involuntary snoozes during the lows. In the background, an event in Heroes of Newerth (HON) for its' 3rd anniversary was ongoing from 3pm- 7pm. The movie started 3.30pm. I knew about the timing clash but I thought that I could make it. I forgot that I could told my friend earlier so he could help me with the event and I could worry for less. I decided for them that we head home hoping that I can catch up with the said event but our transport had more technical (or chronicled) problems. Apparently some other movie goers called for the same earlier and we had to wait for the following round. By then I realized that I will not make it and tried to find friends who could help but then realize i should have done that before three. Obviously none was able to help given the limited time. We separated as some when for dinner while I headed for home, kinda frustrated. I quickly launched HON but to no avail. Grinded a few games but end up losing both the MMR and KDR. I guess you can't play on a bad mood. Its' just that bad.
Well, it's not my point to rant about the above but I just want to let you know what had happened today through my pessimistic eyes. I felt really regretful for going for the movie knowing it is a saturday plus the amazingly rewarding event that I missed. Why I choose not to rant about these things? 1. I thought to myself, "Why did this happen to me in the first place?" 2. I thought what would others feel if I rant? 3.What is the future of me ranting?
The first question is personal and every individual would have their own version of answers. I will not share mine for the sake of your views and opinions. What I can tell you is that everything happens for a reason and it was a mistake of mine that needed this punishment. So what I was looking for when I asked myself this question was where did I go wrong to deserve this judgment. Well, the list is really long!
The second question shows that I care how others would feel. Basically, a man-pleaser. I don't care what others think of me but I care about how they feel. I don't want others to be affected/ to respond negatively to my times of lowness. Therefore I keep my mouth shut. It doesn't mean that I am indifferent towards everything I love but I just care about humans more than I care about my career/ my joy. And its' true that I hurt because I am an emotional soul.
Then, I went on to think what good would it bring me if I were to rant? Let's see, we can't change the past. We certainly can't predict the future. I can't guarantee me a win in HON even if I participate but I might lose some friends. Lose people I care about. Not everyone I spend time with are people I care about though. I find some people obnoxious. I once told a friend that I can love any girl because they have boobs. But boy, was I wrong. We grow up, we learn more truth.
I guess this is my diary and that is his. Well, I hope I don't forget to write anything else that I wanted to. That would be a real bummer.
Saturday, 28 June 2014
Sunday, 20 April 2014
Interest Rekindled (Hopefully for good this time)
To be honest, I've never hated blogging. I just felt there was more important things to do. You know, the so called "busy" life of a bachelor. Games. Movies. Series. Sleeeeeeeeep.
-_______-
Now that I've begin to ditch the gaming scene and the busy part of my university life was over, I came back here. Surprise! Well, I did not prodigalize here on a whim though. There was one motivation on facebook on why the writer thinks I should blog. The link is provided below (if you're ever interested to read it).
Anyways, I've always been forgetful. My alternative name was named after "forgeting the (bitter) past". And all I do is forget the past. Well, most of it. I have this friend who I call to have 500 terrabytes (TB) or memory brain power. He remembers points in time where I totally forgot like something a girl said a year ago to then time when he was still dependent on his mother's mammary capabilities. He seems to have the whole space-time continuum down. He is able to work on games for a long period of time, getting better the more time he spent on it even if he stopped playing for years. Hell, if I start playing Mario now, I'll virtually jump right off a cliff. I realized that I've been spending quite some time on trying to bring out something quite simple actually. All I wanted to say in this paragraph is that I won't be writing something happen far in the past because of the simple reason of my messed but space-time continuum, in terms of my unreasonably short memory (which is also another reason for me to blog).
Watching certain movies and many serials made me to realize that people are often compensating for something they lack. Somethings just can't be changed given the circumstances they're in. And I start to wonder, I'm definitely having some lacking in my life. Maybe you can say that I have a number of lackings, quite serious ones at that but what am I doing to actually compensate for them? One troubling lacking that I have is a physical one that I am constantly conscious of. Am I tall because of that? Do I have average stats because of that? Suddenly I thought of one thing that made me think that it was my compensation. Ma eyes! Dayum in my community, it's unique to have eye colours other than black. My eyes turn out to be a little more brown than the status quo. I admit, it has granted me a good amount of recognition. I'm proud of it, but sometimes, I wish that I am all normal. Yes, I'd give away my eye colour to get everything back to normal - at least physically. Then I start to wonder what are my beard compensating for? hmmm... I wonder.
well, today I slept in a little longer than I should have. It was not without reason. I was having this dream every cherry bachelor in his 20s would fancy. There was this girl. She wasn't a perfect girl (I'm not perfect myself) but I was attracted to her. There were subtle infirmities in her eyes but I love them all the same. She's a girl who I'd pass on in my full consciousness but I find myself sub-consciously flirting with her. We were like the "Romeo & Juliet" of my dream. Forbidden but strong love existed. Wierd things happens in dreams. She was using a Colgate branded lipstick and my lips turn sticky after a smooch. I jokingly said that it was her only flaw and if she fixed that, I'll go on a forth date with her. She smiled and then I woke up. It is dreams like this that keep me in bed a little while longer. Yet a little sleep, yet a little slumber. Tossing and turning, all in effort to continue the dream but alas, a dream remains one....until I make it come true. But a dream will never come true unless I wake up and get things done. So here I am to record my motivation this day, so the future me can come back and get re-motivated by the past me.
I read a post of a pick up artist saying that pick up artistry makes you the loneliest because you make yourself immune to the feelings that naturally come to you when with someone you really like. Don't judge a book by it's cover. It is highly likely that the opposite of what you judge is true.
Check out this short article(s):
15 Reasons I Think You Should Blog
http://www.becomingminimalist.com/15-reasons-i-think-you-should-blog/
The Science of Seduction: What I learned from the summer I spent as a pick up artist
http://elitedaily.com/dating/the-science-of-seduction-my-summer-as-a-pick-up-artist/
-_______-
Now that I've begin to ditch the gaming scene and the busy part of my university life was over, I came back here. Surprise! Well, I did not prodigalize here on a whim though. There was one motivation on facebook on why the writer thinks I should blog. The link is provided below (if you're ever interested to read it).
Anyways, I've always been forgetful. My alternative name was named after "forgeting the (bitter) past". And all I do is forget the past. Well, most of it. I have this friend who I call to have 500 terrabytes (TB) or memory brain power. He remembers points in time where I totally forgot like something a girl said a year ago to then time when he was still dependent on his mother's mammary capabilities. He seems to have the whole space-time continuum down. He is able to work on games for a long period of time, getting better the more time he spent on it even if he stopped playing for years. Hell, if I start playing Mario now, I'll virtually jump right off a cliff. I realized that I've been spending quite some time on trying to bring out something quite simple actually. All I wanted to say in this paragraph is that I won't be writing something happen far in the past because of the simple reason of my messed but space-time continuum, in terms of my unreasonably short memory (which is also another reason for me to blog).
Watching certain movies and many serials made me to realize that people are often compensating for something they lack. Somethings just can't be changed given the circumstances they're in. And I start to wonder, I'm definitely having some lacking in my life. Maybe you can say that I have a number of lackings, quite serious ones at that but what am I doing to actually compensate for them? One troubling lacking that I have is a physical one that I am constantly conscious of. Am I tall because of that? Do I have average stats because of that? Suddenly I thought of one thing that made me think that it was my compensation. Ma eyes! Dayum in my community, it's unique to have eye colours other than black. My eyes turn out to be a little more brown than the status quo. I admit, it has granted me a good amount of recognition. I'm proud of it, but sometimes, I wish that I am all normal. Yes, I'd give away my eye colour to get everything back to normal - at least physically. Then I start to wonder what are my beard compensating for? hmmm... I wonder.
well, today I slept in a little longer than I should have. It was not without reason. I was having this dream every cherry bachelor in his 20s would fancy. There was this girl. She wasn't a perfect girl (I'm not perfect myself) but I was attracted to her. There were subtle infirmities in her eyes but I love them all the same. She's a girl who I'd pass on in my full consciousness but I find myself sub-consciously flirting with her. We were like the "Romeo & Juliet" of my dream. Forbidden but strong love existed. Wierd things happens in dreams. She was using a Colgate branded lipstick and my lips turn sticky after a smooch. I jokingly said that it was her only flaw and if she fixed that, I'll go on a forth date with her. She smiled and then I woke up. It is dreams like this that keep me in bed a little while longer. Yet a little sleep, yet a little slumber. Tossing and turning, all in effort to continue the dream but alas, a dream remains one....until I make it come true. But a dream will never come true unless I wake up and get things done. So here I am to record my motivation this day, so the future me can come back and get re-motivated by the past me.
I read a post of a pick up artist saying that pick up artistry makes you the loneliest because you make yourself immune to the feelings that naturally come to you when with someone you really like. Don't judge a book by it's cover. It is highly likely that the opposite of what you judge is true.
Check out this short article(s):
15 Reasons I Think You Should Blog
http://www.becomingminimalist.com/15-reasons-i-think-you-should-blog/
The Science of Seduction: What I learned from the summer I spent as a pick up artist
http://elitedaily.com/dating/the-science-of-seduction-my-summer-as-a-pick-up-artist/
Thursday, 24 January 2013
Why do I even care?
The evening before, I went out with a friend to a casual match. It was all messed up. I invited him to go, made him interested and all. Then, I realised that I can't go but somehow, I went. Probably because I treat the guy as my best friend (at this point in my life but oh, how it hurts to know that it'll probably never be mutual).So yeah, we went saw some nice plays but often he was distracted by girls in different places. Boys... So I tried my best to be a bud, encouraging him to go for it and stuff (though in a jeery way) but he just use this one sentence to shut me off, "you know me". We stayed awhile because I was hoping something would happen but eventually, freaks as we are, we try to leave the place. As we were about to leave, we gave this girl which he was particularly interested in one last look. And he saw an acquaintance of mine finish his game and was about to leave the place so he told me and we stay just to have an exchange of greetings and left the place soon enough. We cycled through the rain as we came and I told him I was disappointed that we went back empty handed. He then said it again, "you know me". I replied that I was hoping for him to change and he just said that it ain't easy. Man, that was an open goal! Tell me one thing in this world that's easy... but I didn't say that out because of the respect I had for him. I treat him better than my brother (even my mom said so).
He kept on hitting around the bush, never ever came straight to the point, which became quite a nuisance. I remembered he told me to tell him truths, and so I did. He was offended much but I hit the point home hard putting my hopes in him. he then adorned the pendulum mentality. ==... "I can change..." he said when I said he spoke too much. Well, that escalated quickly.
So going through my thoughts, I realized I've been with this personality before ( one of my uncle ) and they're so much alike except the fact that one looks like Lee Chong Wei. But I was never annoyed to the point of acting to change him despite living with him some two years or more. And this guy, I've been with him slightly less than two years and I'm all flustered up as though (I'm straight, I love girls, no homo) I 'love' him..? Why is this so? He ain't that good looking. He ain't rich. He ain't much dependable but quite a lot the other way around.. So why am I reacting to him in this way? And I must stress again::: I'M NOT GAY!!
He kept on hitting around the bush, never ever came straight to the point, which became quite a nuisance. I remembered he told me to tell him truths, and so I did. He was offended much but I hit the point home hard putting my hopes in him. he then adorned the pendulum mentality. ==... "I can change..." he said when I said he spoke too much. Well, that escalated quickly.
So going through my thoughts, I realized I've been with this personality before ( one of my uncle ) and they're so much alike except the fact that one looks like Lee Chong Wei. But I was never annoyed to the point of acting to change him despite living with him some two years or more. And this guy, I've been with him slightly less than two years and I'm all flustered up as though (I'm straight, I love girls, no homo) I 'love' him..? Why is this so? He ain't that good looking. He ain't rich. He ain't much dependable but quite a lot the other way around.. So why am I reacting to him in this way? And I must stress again::: I'M NOT GAY!!
Sunday, 23 December 2012
End of the World?
Haha.. Been a long time since I posted anything. Guess I'm just too free nowadays exams being over and all alone in my habitation. Well, recently there was an overrated hype on the net saying that the world was supposed to end on 21st December 2012... which was actually 2 days ago.. some argued that there was time disparity due to different time zones but meh...
I knew for one that the world would not end especially when it was speculated like that. The time when the world is to end is when we least expect it to.. I kinda took my share of comfort from these people making those untimely speculations. But somehow, as time pass and it got nearer and nearer to 21st, it started to be annoying. And the aftermath is just as annoying.. People are saying "I didn't die" or "The world didn't end".. There are actually some who said it was a Mayan's troll or even more higher beings. It was actually their own ignorance. -.-
Well days passed and now I'm all alone (as I mentioned above) and I'm starting to feel that if the world were to end, I would be feeling really miserable right now. I don't have anyone. Loneliness is a beast! All these are my sufferings which I can attribute to two of the greatest curses in my life; my pectus excavatum, and my lying spirit. I just can't stop myself from the latter, it comes so naturally for self-protection. Defense mechanisms are very reactive especially when I want to hide my ugliness. I just can't face myself in the open.
People may say that everyone lies.. or there are white lies.. But I desire better things of myself. I wanted to tell the truth and only truth was to proceed out of my lips. I did try to will myself to this goal but to no avail. =(
I can explain my own undoing but I can't think of a way to actually solve my problems. The will of man is under bondage: what good a man want to do, that he cannot; but what evil deeds he tries to avert will eventually be done, against his will. This is a truth since our forefathers fell.
The creeping loneliness and ultikuma boredom just drove me to think of the latter of these 2 curses of my life.
I knew for one that the world would not end especially when it was speculated like that. The time when the world is to end is when we least expect it to.. I kinda took my share of comfort from these people making those untimely speculations. But somehow, as time pass and it got nearer and nearer to 21st, it started to be annoying. And the aftermath is just as annoying.. People are saying "I didn't die" or "The world didn't end".. There are actually some who said it was a Mayan's troll or even more higher beings. It was actually their own ignorance. -.-
Well days passed and now I'm all alone (as I mentioned above) and I'm starting to feel that if the world were to end, I would be feeling really miserable right now. I don't have anyone. Loneliness is a beast! All these are my sufferings which I can attribute to two of the greatest curses in my life; my pectus excavatum, and my lying spirit. I just can't stop myself from the latter, it comes so naturally for self-protection. Defense mechanisms are very reactive especially when I want to hide my ugliness. I just can't face myself in the open.
People may say that everyone lies.. or there are white lies.. But I desire better things of myself. I wanted to tell the truth and only truth was to proceed out of my lips. I did try to will myself to this goal but to no avail. =(
I can explain my own undoing but I can't think of a way to actually solve my problems. The will of man is under bondage: what good a man want to do, that he cannot; but what evil deeds he tries to avert will eventually be done, against his will. This is a truth since our forefathers fell.
The creeping loneliness and ultikuma boredom just drove me to think of the latter of these 2 curses of my life.
Saturday, 21 July 2012
KISS
If it weren't for a dear friend, I wouldn't have took the trouble to go further down.. It was more easier if I had take the route home. Upon hind sight, the latter would have been better even. The outcome happen to be that I didn't even accomplish the main mission I came for and lost more than I asked for.. I start to wonder what is happening.. Maybe I should not keep an alternative motive whenever I am taking up the cross. It just wouldn't work out that way (especially when I'm on the strait gate narrow way...)
Things I miss the most right now...
plaster notebook pen watch snickers cooler mouse usb clothes tie tiletries opticals notes shoes books shavers keys charger nds bag
Things I miss the most right now...
plaster notebook pen watch snickers cooler mouse usb clothes tie tiletries opticals notes shoes books shavers keys charger nds bag
Tuesday, 17 July 2012
Untitled.
A whole load of new things just bombarded my life. An retracting person, a volatile scatter brain, a genius, friends with issues and ultimately: assignments, of which I can't see the end even at the horizon! At least it gave something to write about (if not to think).
Let's take a number and each will have a piece. A genius; this is the time of my life, being able to meet one in person. Many labeled themselves genius (including me at points where I was most stupido) or are labeled by others (in personal perceptions, mostly in relation to one's self) and don't produce the minimum requirements. But for the first time in my life, I saw a real-life genius. Of course, I'd be jealous here and there but respect and admiration filled my heart. (no homo.) At the same time, I was made to see the wide gap in between us; how I'd never think of ever reaching the same plateau. Oh how it divides, the wisdom which proliferates. How many of you would reject a dinner with the genius? Imaginations are running wild, from fantasies to obliqueness.
Next, the scat. A person who is consistently sensitive, especially emotionally - rampaging at times, do you know that lion eats grass sometime ago? Persistantly hypoc but also persistantly tries. I must sound like I'm describing 'Inflation'. LoL. Just too volatile to decipher. There are times I would give up without a fight but then, WWJD? Yeah right! as if. but recently I just let it go. It's just exorbitant.
Retractor. He sounds like a marvel supervillian. Or an Expendable. Well, the thing is, he is literal monyet buruk siku. He once tried hard to be someone who cares. Someone who is actually a part of the team. But when sun rose, he withered away. He just not him anymore. Or to be more precise, he returned to the real him. He was like that. and he liked it before. he probably likes it now. Hair porblem? Or attitude problem? Or both? Always living on others positive externalities (I am an economics student anyways). Try to put the resources you have to good use for once. LoL. You'll never guess who I am talking about.
Generally all of us has issues. I can't even deal with mine, what right do I have to speak about other's. That what you may think. But if that's the way the world was, it never would have progressed. Not one bit. Well, all of us has weaknesses (even the genius, I would know ;]) but if we were to remain silent, that in itself is our problem. I am not sure what I speak of - try to contribute some of your brain juices by commenting here. Definitely would appreciate it! =D
Let's take a number and each will have a piece. A genius; this is the time of my life, being able to meet one in person. Many labeled themselves genius (including me at points where I was most stupido) or are labeled by others (in personal perceptions, mostly in relation to one's self) and don't produce the minimum requirements. But for the first time in my life, I saw a real-life genius. Of course, I'd be jealous here and there but respect and admiration filled my heart. (no homo.) At the same time, I was made to see the wide gap in between us; how I'd never think of ever reaching the same plateau. Oh how it divides, the wisdom which proliferates. How many of you would reject a dinner with the genius? Imaginations are running wild, from fantasies to obliqueness.
Next, the scat. A person who is consistently sensitive, especially emotionally - rampaging at times, do you know that lion eats grass sometime ago? Persistantly hypoc but also persistantly tries. I must sound like I'm describing 'Inflation'. LoL. Just too volatile to decipher. There are times I would give up without a fight but then, WWJD? Yeah right! as if. but recently I just let it go. It's just exorbitant.
Retractor. He sounds like a marvel supervillian. Or an Expendable. Well, the thing is, he is literal monyet buruk siku. He once tried hard to be someone who cares. Someone who is actually a part of the team. But when sun rose, he withered away. He just not him anymore. Or to be more precise, he returned to the real him. He was like that. and he liked it before. he probably likes it now. Hair porblem? Or attitude problem? Or both? Always living on others positive externalities (I am an economics student anyways). Try to put the resources you have to good use for once. LoL. You'll never guess who I am talking about.
Generally all of us has issues. I can't even deal with mine, what right do I have to speak about other's. That what you may think. But if that's the way the world was, it never would have progressed. Not one bit. Well, all of us has weaknesses (even the genius, I would know ;]) but if we were to remain silent, that in itself is our problem. I am not sure what I speak of - try to contribute some of your brain juices by commenting here. Definitely would appreciate it! =D
Friday, 15 June 2012
Love? Another Chapter...
What do you do when your first love rejects you?
You move on? You get back at him/her?
Well, I guess a true answer would be you still love her.
If it ever was purely true love, you'll never get over it. It ain't something you can just erase from the rest of your life. She/He will forever remain a fact in your story, a colour in your bigger picture of Life.
I've seen some who charge at their romantic desires and dreams like the bull against the red cloth matadors wave. Eventually, people get hurt. Relations crack. Crumpled papers which cannot be restored. A very sad sight to behold indeed.
Then again, there are those who play a very tactical game. They may succeed here and there but once they meet their first love, all the strategies come to naught. They themselves melt in the love's presence. Nonetheless, they hurt on an equal scale as the chargers. There still male homosapiens.
But why did I start this post with a question? Why did I answer it myself? This is because recently (a few minutes ago) I realized something is constantly changing so that things will stay the same. Truly a paradox in motion. I began to ask myself why. If I asked the host, I know I'll never get a true answer. Neither will I if I kept it to myself. Finally, I came up with this theory instead. Theories might not always be true as it requires many experimentation but still deserve a place in my gallery.
Watch how the lack of love wrecks up ones life when the urge of unconditional love overflowing on the inside. Watch people's biased manipulation of the portions of attention they give. Watch the love of one who lost everything when he/she found the one most important.
Well, I can never give the full truth to this multifaceted topic. Thus, the title. Just another chapter to add to my book of mortal affections and emotions. =) .pEace.
PS. The former was written as a tribute to you, Mr. LS ;-)
You move on? You get back at him/her?
Well, I guess a true answer would be you still love her.
If it ever was purely true love, you'll never get over it. It ain't something you can just erase from the rest of your life. She/He will forever remain a fact in your story, a colour in your bigger picture of Life.
Me? I am yet to find mine.
I've seen some who charge at their romantic desires and dreams like the bull against the red cloth matadors wave. Eventually, people get hurt. Relations crack. Crumpled papers which cannot be restored. A very sad sight to behold indeed.
Then again, there are those who play a very tactical game. They may succeed here and there but once they meet their first love, all the strategies come to naught. They themselves melt in the love's presence. Nonetheless, they hurt on an equal scale as the chargers. There still male homosapiens.
But why did I start this post with a question? Why did I answer it myself? This is because recently (a few minutes ago) I realized something is constantly changing so that things will stay the same. Truly a paradox in motion. I began to ask myself why. If I asked the host, I know I'll never get a true answer. Neither will I if I kept it to myself. Finally, I came up with this theory instead. Theories might not always be true as it requires many experimentation but still deserve a place in my gallery.
Watch how the lack of love wrecks up ones life when the urge of unconditional love overflowing on the inside. Watch people's biased manipulation of the portions of attention they give. Watch the love of one who lost everything when he/she found the one most important.
Well, I can never give the full truth to this multifaceted topic. Thus, the title. Just another chapter to add to my book of mortal affections and emotions. =) .pEace.
PS. The former was written as a tribute to you, Mr. LS ;-)
a nice comic on the flo recently
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