To start off, I'm gonna narrate to you the reasons I could be sulking and ranting on. Today is a Saturday. We planned to go watch Michael Bay's Transformers 4 which was at that time new. I had no money in my wallet and what money I have, doesn't belong to me. Next, there were some technical problems when picking up the attendees. After getting the tix, we went to lunch at Ori Spice. My food came last. We then went to withdraw money but apparently, my bank account was at a lost too. I withdrew minimum anyways to go through the day. We then head back to the cinema, grab some popcorn and head to the movie hall. Half way through the movie, I realized that my phone strap was broken. Sadly, the movie had its' high and lows and many of us confess we took involuntary snoozes during the lows. In the background, an event in Heroes of Newerth (HON) for its' 3rd anniversary was ongoing from 3pm- 7pm. The movie started 3.30pm. I knew about the timing clash but I thought that I could make it. I forgot that I could told my friend earlier so he could help me with the event and I could worry for less. I decided for them that we head home hoping that I can catch up with the said event but our transport had more technical (or chronicled) problems. Apparently some other movie goers called for the same earlier and we had to wait for the following round. By then I realized that I will not make it and tried to find friends who could help but then realize i should have done that before three. Obviously none was able to help given the limited time. We separated as some when for dinner while I headed for home, kinda frustrated. I quickly launched HON but to no avail. Grinded a few games but end up losing both the MMR and KDR. I guess you can't play on a bad mood. Its' just that bad.
Well, it's not my point to rant about the above but I just want to let you know what had happened today through my pessimistic eyes. I felt really regretful for going for the movie knowing it is a saturday plus the amazingly rewarding event that I missed. Why I choose not to rant about these things? 1. I thought to myself, "Why did this happen to me in the first place?" 2. I thought what would others feel if I rant? 3.What is the future of me ranting?
The first question is personal and every individual would have their own version of answers. I will not share mine for the sake of your views and opinions. What I can tell you is that everything happens for a reason and it was a mistake of mine that needed this punishment. So what I was looking for when I asked myself this question was where did I go wrong to deserve this judgment. Well, the list is really long!
The second question shows that I care how others would feel. Basically, a man-pleaser. I don't care what others think of me but I care about how they feel. I don't want others to be affected/ to respond negatively to my times of lowness. Therefore I keep my mouth shut. It doesn't mean that I am indifferent towards everything I love but I just care about humans more than I care about my career/ my joy. And its' true that I hurt because I am an emotional soul.
Then, I went on to think what good would it bring me if I were to rant? Let's see, we can't change the past. We certainly can't predict the future. I can't guarantee me a win in HON even if I participate but I might lose some friends. Lose people I care about. Not everyone I spend time with are people I care about though. I find some people obnoxious. I once told a friend that I can love any girl because they have boobs. But boy, was I wrong. We grow up, we learn more truth.
I guess this is my diary and that is his. Well, I hope I don't forget to write anything else that I wanted to. That would be a real bummer.
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