Thank you.

I've noticed something about myself...
I got so used to doing favors for others and helping others, going the extra mile, I start to think people owe me something in return. And when I don't get what I want, I get upset, I complain, I let it simmer in my heart unhealthily.
Infact, I've become so used to it that I forgot how to say thank you when someone give me something or helped me. You may think saying it is easy (which is probably true to many) but being a man of my word, I cannot make myself say what I do not mean. And it makes me uncomfortable when others do help me. Instead of accepting the good deeds done to me and saying thank you, I look for ways to 'payback' or return the favor with something of equal value or more. This is not what I see myself as. I want to be someone who gives and receives freely. But right now, this is not the case.

On a side note, I've been looking at ways to judge a job's value by its benefits. I realize that the amount of annual leave and public holidays has a value for giving you a day off without affecting yr pay. But is it sufficient for you? What is the company policy about overtime? These are the things I have been considering lately despite not having finish updating my resume.

Road trip coming up soon!

Project 30

So today what inspired me was how it all started for our boys at yes theory. They were college kids who went to college in Canada. From different parts of the world. It's a wonder how they just sticked together through the years to become something so big. They r here to prove that good people still exists and that saying yes will bring you good things. When you decide what you want to be, then the universe gets out of your way. The decision is an integral part of our life. First decide where you wanna be, what you wanna wake up to, what will keep you awake at night, and what will get you jumping out of your bed. We all know it too well in our subconscious mind but very rarely do we partake in reality.
So there was mention of this project 30 that they started in college. The list down 30 crazy challenges that they never have done and did that in 30 days. From bungee jumping to acts of kindness like giving strangers roses. It was all outside of the comfort zone. And thus, their motto: seek discomfort. Deep shit right there.
Find like minded people who will do these things with you. We don't always click with everyone we meet but you will know when u meet someone who just fucking share your passion to push the limits. Right now I might be sitting in a office writing my thoughts, sharing my passion.
Who know tomorrow where, I'll be? That's the life I want to live. That's what I call truly living, the sins of the prodigal.

-peace

Hope.

After my last post, I have met up with an old friend of mine. We talked lots but I gathered a few notable lessons from the session.
Despite being elder than me, my friend has the will to be constantly learning from the best. To be good at something, humble ourself and ask questions. Be a fool once, don't be a fool for life.
Appreciation for family. In my day and age, I tend to find myself overly prioritizing friends and relationships. My senior friend has a regret that parents wishes could not be fulfilled with current remunerations. The dream was to bring parents on overseas trip. And the tables were turned making me ashamed at my choices.
I also watch YouTube recently tuning in to Jimmy Zhang and Yes Theory. They really inspire me to do and say what is in my heart. To open up to endless possibilities and to believe in them.
I began to think that the problems I faced in life are not meant to stop me but to make me stronger.
It is one thing to know that as a fact, but another thing to live it out and experience it. Setbacks are not a dead end but a detour, make it a part of your journey.
Lastly, I'd like to add, do not fear your boss because he/she is also human (prone to error, emotional, etc). Time to wake up, go out and live your dreams.

-peace-

After a long Hiatus

So guys I decided to come back to blogging after failing much in life. If there is one thing I like, it would be to write shit. I've been through much since I last wrote and when I read my last post it all seemed to petty. So yeah. You live and you learn. I've definitely been humbled by providence in life.
I plan to keep things short.
Thoughts for the day: everyone makes mistakes, but who will confess/admit them and make necessary changes? Something work related where I felt pressured but as far as I know, the way I work is totally different from theirs. So I think little of their judgments. But the judgment being coming from a superior, it does affect me somewhat.
Next up, I was on tinder (looking for love) and I match this girl who described herself as a 'sapiosexual'. I know what is sex but with is sapiosexual? As she advised in her bio, I googled that shit up and learn some new tricks to deal with sapiosexuals;
1) be a fucking Grammar Nazi or die trying
2) Be a tale-bearer
3) be the thinker like the statue
4) Ask relevant questions to show interest and to show you are not stupid
5) Plan fucking unique dates.

P.s. Blame Jimmy Zhang for my vulgarity spike. Bugger puts dope on utube.

xPeace

"Today is the worst day???"

To start off, I'm gonna narrate to you the reasons I could be sulking and ranting on. Today is a Saturday. We planned to go watch Michael Bay's Transformers 4 which was at that time new. I had no money in my wallet and what money I have, doesn't belong to me. Next, there were some technical problems when picking up the attendees. After getting the tix, we went to lunch at Ori Spice. My food came last. We then went to withdraw money but apparently, my bank account was at a lost too. I withdrew minimum anyways to go through the day. We then head back to the cinema, grab some popcorn and head to the movie hall. Half way through the movie, I realized that my phone strap was broken. Sadly, the movie had its' high and lows and many of us confess we took involuntary snoozes during the lows. In the background, an event in Heroes of Newerth (HON) for its' 3rd anniversary was ongoing from 3pm- 7pm. The movie started 3.30pm. I knew about the timing clash but I thought that I could make it. I forgot that I could told my friend earlier so he could help me with the event and I could worry for less. I decided for them that we head home hoping that I can catch up with the said event but our transport had more technical (or chronicled) problems. Apparently some other movie goers called for the same earlier and we had to wait for the following round. By then I realized that I will not make it and tried to find friends who could help but then realize i should have done that before three. Obviously none was able to help given the limited time. We separated as some when for dinner while I headed for home, kinda frustrated. I quickly launched HON but to no avail. Grinded a few games but end up losing both the MMR and KDR. I guess you can't play on a bad mood. Its' just that bad.
Well, it's not my point to rant about the above but I just want to let you know what had happened today through my pessimistic eyes. I felt really regretful for going for the movie knowing it is a saturday plus the amazingly rewarding event that I missed. Why I choose not to rant about these things? 1. I thought to myself, "Why did this happen to me in the first place?" 2. I thought what would others feel if I rant? 3.What is the future of me ranting?
The first question is personal and every individual would have their own version of answers. I will not share mine for the sake of your views and opinions. What I can tell you is that everything happens for a reason and it was a mistake of mine that needed this punishment. So what I was looking for when I asked myself this question was where did I go wrong to deserve this judgment. Well, the list is really long!
The second question shows that I care how others would feel. Basically, a man-pleaser. I don't care what others think of me but I care about how they feel. I don't want others to be affected/ to respond negatively to my times of lowness. Therefore I keep my mouth shut. It doesn't mean that I am indifferent towards everything I love but I just care about humans more than I care about my career/ my joy. And its' true that I hurt because I am an emotional soul.
Then, I went on to think what good would it bring me if I were to rant? Let's see, we can't change the past. We certainly can't predict the future. I can't guarantee me a win in HON even if I participate but I might lose some friends. Lose people I care about. Not everyone I spend time with are people I care about though. I find some people obnoxious. I once told a friend that I can love any girl because they have boobs. But boy, was I wrong. We grow up, we learn more truth.
I guess this is my diary and that is his. Well, I hope I don't forget to write anything else that I wanted to. That would be a real bummer.

Interest Rekindled (Hopefully for good this time)

To be honest, I've never hated blogging. I just felt there was more important things to do. You know, the so called "busy" life of a bachelor. Games. Movies. Series. Sleeeeeeeeep.
-_______-
Now that I've begin to ditch the gaming scene and the busy part of my university life was over, I came back here. Surprise! Well, I did not prodigalize here on a whim though. There was one motivation on facebook on why the writer thinks I should blog. The link is provided below (if you're ever interested to read it).
Anyways, I've always been forgetful. My alternative name was named after "forgeting the (bitter) past". And all I do is forget the past. Well, most of it. I have this friend who I call to have 500 terrabytes (TB) or memory brain power. He remembers points in time where I totally forgot like something a girl said a year ago to then time when he was still dependent on his mother's mammary capabilities. He seems to have the whole space-time continuum down. He is able to work on games for a long period of time, getting better the more time he spent on it even if he stopped playing for years. Hell, if I start playing Mario now, I'll virtually jump right off a cliff. I realized that I've been spending quite some time on trying to bring out something quite simple actually. All I wanted to say in this paragraph is that I won't be writing something happen far in the past because of the simple reason of my messed but space-time continuum, in terms of my unreasonably short memory (which is also another reason for me to blog).
Watching certain movies and many serials made me to realize that people are often compensating for something they lack. Somethings just can't be changed given the circumstances they're in. And I start to wonder, I'm definitely having some lacking in my life. Maybe you can say that I have a number of lackings, quite serious ones at that but what am I doing to actually compensate for them? One troubling lacking that I have is a physical one that I am constantly conscious of. Am I tall because of that? Do I have average stats because of that? Suddenly I thought of one thing that made me think that it was my compensation. Ma eyes! Dayum in my community, it's unique to have eye colours other than black. My eyes turn out to be a little more brown than the status quo. I admit, it has granted me a good amount of recognition. I'm proud of it, but sometimes, I wish that I am all normal. Yes, I'd give away my eye colour to get everything back to normal - at least physically. Then I start to wonder what are my beard compensating for? hmmm... I wonder.
well, today I slept in a little longer than I should have. It was not without reason. I was having this dream every cherry bachelor in his 20s would fancy. There was this girl. She wasn't a perfect girl (I'm not perfect myself) but I was attracted to her. There were subtle infirmities in her eyes but I love them all the same. She's a girl who I'd pass on in my full consciousness but I find myself sub-consciously flirting with her. We were like the "Romeo & Juliet" of my dream. Forbidden but strong love existed. Wierd things happens in dreams. She was using a Colgate branded lipstick and my lips turn sticky after a smooch. I jokingly said that it was her only flaw and if she fixed that, I'll go on a forth date with her. She smiled and then I woke up. It is dreams like this that keep me in bed a little while longer. Yet a little sleep, yet a little slumber. Tossing and turning, all in effort to continue the dream but alas, a dream remains one....until I make it come true. But a dream will never come true unless I wake up and get things done. So here I am to record my motivation this day, so the future me can come back and get re-motivated by the past me.
I read a post of a pick up artist saying that pick up artistry makes you the loneliest because you make yourself immune to the feelings that naturally come to you when with someone you really like. Don't judge a book by it's cover. It is highly likely that the opposite of what you judge is true.

Check out this short article(s):

15 Reasons I Think You Should Blog
http://www.becomingminimalist.com/15-reasons-i-think-you-should-blog/

The Science of Seduction: What I learned from the summer I spent as a pick up artist
http://elitedaily.com/dating/the-science-of-seduction-my-summer-as-a-pick-up-artist/

Why do I even care?

The evening before, I went out with a friend to a casual match. It was all messed up. I invited him to go, made him interested and all. Then, I realised that I can't go but somehow, I went. Probably because I treat the guy as my best friend (at this point in my life but oh, how it hurts to know that it'll probably never be mutual).So yeah, we went saw some nice plays but often he was distracted by girls in different places. Boys... So I tried my best to be a bud, encouraging him to go for it and stuff (though in a jeery way) but he just use this one sentence to shut me off, "you know me". We stayed awhile because I was hoping something would happen but eventually, freaks as we are, we try to leave the place. As we were about to leave, we gave this girl which he was particularly interested in one last look. And he saw an acquaintance of mine finish his game and was about to leave the place so he told me and we stay just to have an exchange of greetings and left the place soon enough. We cycled through the rain as we came and I told him I was disappointed that we went back empty handed. He then said it again, "you know me". I replied that I was hoping for him to change and he just said that it ain't easy. Man, that was an open goal! Tell me one thing in this world that's easy... but I didn't say that out because of the respect I had for him. I treat him better than my brother (even my mom said so).
He kept on hitting around the bush, never ever came straight to the point, which became quite a nuisance. I remembered he told me to tell him truths, and so I did. He was offended much but I hit the point home hard putting my hopes in him. he then adorned the pendulum mentality. ==... "I can change..." he said when I said he spoke too much. Well, that escalated quickly.
So going through my thoughts, I realized I've been with this personality before ( one of my uncle ) and they're so much alike except the fact that one looks like Lee Chong Wei. But I was never annoyed to the point of acting to change him despite living with him some two years or more. And this guy, I've been with him slightly less than two years and I'm all flustered up as though (I'm straight, I love girls, no homo) I 'love' him..? Why is this so? He ain't that good looking. He ain't rich. He ain't much dependable but quite a lot the other way around.. So why am I reacting to him in this way? And I must stress again::: I'M NOT GAY!!